Addy:  (sitting on my bed with me) “Mommy, I want to watch Bee Movie.”

Me:  “No, Addy, it’s time for bed.”

Addy:  “NO!  Want to watch Bee Movie!”

Me:  “Addy, I’m sorry, it’s late, it’s time for bed.”

Addy:  “No, Mommy!  Go to your room!”

Me:  “Addy, I’m in my room.”

Addy:  “Then go to MY room!”

Me:  (laughing really hard)  “How about we both go to your room because it’s time for bed!”

Addy:  (wailing, sobbing, alligator tears)  “NOOOOOOOO . . . “

And yes, that about sums up my life.

My baby diva is taking after my big diva . . . in a BIG way.  Mornings around my house are now twice the fun.  Instead of just one grump, I now have two.  My morning routine sounds something like this . . .

Me:  “Good morning, Rabbit.  Get up, please.  It’s time for school.”

Ansley:  “Go away!  Leave me alone!  I don’t want to go to school!  School gives me a headache!”

Me:  “I’m sorry to hear that.  Please sit up so I can get you dressed.”

Ansley: (drawing covers and/or pillow over her head) “Go away!  I don’t love you anymore!”

Me:  (raising my voice) “Ansley Grace Brooks!  Get out of the bed right now so you can get dressed for school.”

Ansley:  “NO!”

Me: (grabbing said child by the ankles and dragging her into my lap so I can get her dressed while her head remains under the pillow) “YES!”

Then add about another 10 minutes of yelling and screaming and kicking (and that’s just me — kidding of course) and finally I get Ansley’s clothes on.

Now Addy has, up to this point, been sweet and loving and genuinely glad to see me in the mornings.  I would get her out of bed and she would give me a big smile and snuggle on my shoulder.  NOT anymore.

Me:  “Good morning, Addy Bug!  Time to wake up.”

Addy:  “GO AWAY!”

Me:  “It’s time to get dressed and go to school.”

Addy:  “NO!  Leave me alone!”

You see a pattern developing here? 

Addy has also become very smart.  She has realized if she scoots all the way to the back of the crib and lays perfectly flat right in the middle, I can’t reach her.  I’m too short.  So that means she gets a few more minutes in the bed while I hunt down Daryl to come and extract her. 

Every time I complain about my less than joyful mornings, my kind mother reminds me how grumpy I am in the wee hours before the sun comes up.   Somehow, I don’t find that comforting.  My only hope is that when my kids have kids, they’ll act the same way!  Hmm, where have I heard that before . . . Mom, any ideas?

Ansley:  Mommy?

Me:  Yes, Ansley?

Ansley:  I want to hear “Put a ring on it.”  (for those of you not familiar with this, it’s Beyonce’s song “All the Single Ladies.”  Ansley calls it “Put a ring on it.”)

Addy:  Uh, uh, OHHHHH! (part of the chorus of the song)

Me:  (giggling)  OK, Ansley.  We’ll play “Put a ring on it.”

Ansley:  Mommy?

Me:  Yes, Ansley?

Ansley:  After “Put a ring on it,” I’ll teach Addy how to party like a rock star!

Me:  (stiffling laughter)  You do that Ansley.

Ansley:  Addy, do you want me to teach you to party like a rock star?

Addy:  (shaking head “yes”) Uh huh!

Ahh, from the mouths of babes.

My imaginative drama queens

In this post I thought I’d share a couple fun stories about my kids from the past few weeks . . .

Kids, start your imagination:

Ansley has invented a new game.  She has named it “Let’s call everybody something else!”  Basically you call someone the first thing that pops into your mind.  For example, Ansley will say, “I call you . . . a taco!” or “I call Daddy . . . a clipboard!”  or “I call Addy . . . a three-toed sloth!”  The good news is the child has an imagination that doesn’t end.  The bad news is the child has an imagination that doesn’t end. 

One faithful night Ansley and I were playing the “Let’s call everybody something else” game when Ansley came up with “I call you . . . snot!”  She laughed so hard at the face I made that she said it over and over and over.  For DAYS.  Despite the fact that I reminded her, on multiple occasions, that “snot” isn’t a very nice word, Ansley laughed hysterically every time she said it.  Gee, thanks kid.  I call you . . .  a drama queen . . . a handful . . . too smart for your own good . . . a pain in my (what’s that Dad?  oh, yeah) buttocks!

Naked, naked, naked!

Nearly every day now Addy says new words.  Earlier this week her new word was “naked.”  But coming from Addy, it sounds more like “nekkid”  (no, she’s not from Alabama . . . or Mississippi . . . or South Georgia).  

I found out Addy could say naked when I was trying to put her in the tub.  Yes, I’m still wary every time I put her naked little rear in the tub that another log ‘o poo will come floating to the surface, but hey, I’ve got to get the kid clean.

I had just stripped her and put her on the potty when she looked down at herself and said “naked!” and laughed like a hyena.   When she laughs like that, I can’t help but laugh too.  And since Addy and I were laughing, Ansley had to laugh.  Addy, thrilled at being the center of attention yet again, started yelling at the top of her lungs, “naked, naked, NAKED!”  She jumped off the potty and took off down the hallway, waving her arms overhead and yelling, “naked, naked, NAKED!”  I was laughing too hard to go after her.  Daryl heard her running down the hall, snatched her up and brought her to the tub. 

Two days later Addy still thinks it’s hysterical to yell “NAKED!” at the top of her lungs.  I keep waiting for a report from school about this very topic.  Maybe this is something she’ll only yell at home.  Oh, wait, I forgot, I’m not that lucky.

Update:   Ahh, the irony.  Less than 24 hours after I posted this, I got the letter I’d been waiting for.  From Addy’s teacher on 12/30/09: Addy had a very good day.  She was happy and cheerful.  Her sleeve got wet in the sink — when I took the wet shirt off Addy looked down at herself and said, “NAKED! NAKED!”

So there’s Ansley, standing by the handle, ready to flush when out of nowhere I hear, “Mommy, is that a tattoo . . . on your butt?” 

I sat there, momentarily stunned, glad I was already sitting on the potty or I probably would have wet myself.  I had no idea the kid even knew what a tattoo was, much less would recognize one on my . . . how did my dad put it all those years ago when he found out about the tattoo?  Oh yes, buttocks.  That’s the word.

I looked back at her, and there she stood, hand on the handle, grinning wildly.  My mind raced as I figured out how to answer the child.  After an internal debate, I simply said, “Yes, Ansley.”

Her response?  “OK, Mommy.”  Flush.

And that was that.

My 15 month old child has a bad habit.   The second you take off her diaper, she thinks she has free reign to pee or (gasp!) poop anywhere she pleases.  And last night she took that perceived freedom to a whole new level.

It was bath time in my house.  Ansley was in the tub, having a grand ‘ole time, and I put Addy on the potty before I stuck her in the tub.   Normally she’ll go before I put her in the water, but last night she decided to pop up from the potty as soon as I sat her down . . . and pee on the floor right in front of me.  That’s right.  She peed on the floor between the potty and the tub.  On. The. Floor.  Thanks kid.

After cleaning up the mess and getting Addy in the tub, I got Ansley all clean.  I plucked Ansley out of the tub and was in the process of drying her off when I was distracted by the face Addy was making.

I looked at Addy and said, very sternly, “Addy, what are you doing?”

Addy looks me dead in the face and laughs.  It was at that point that I knew I was in trouble. 

Me:  “Addy, you’re not pooping in the tub are you?”

Addy:  BIG smile.

Me: “Ansley, get out of my lap!  Addy’s pooping in the tub!”

Addy:  BIGGER smile and grunting sounds as she poops in the tub.

Me:  “Addyson Virginia Brooks!  We do NOT poop in the tub! ”

I snatched Addy out of the tub and immediately put her on the potty.  She was sitting there, happily making grunting sounds and laughing hysterically, while I tried to fish poop out of the tub (ah, the glamorous life of a mother).

Meanwhile, Ansley was running up and down the hall, naked and wet, screaming, “Poop in the tub!  Poop in the tub!”  Daryl grabbed her and steered her to her room so that he could get pajamas on her.

Unbeknownst to me, Addy snuck off the potty and out the bathroom door while I was distracted by floating poo.  The next thing I heard was . . .

Daryl:  “We’ve got a dangler!”

I turned around and what did I see?  An empty potty with no Addy.  Not good.  Next I heard . . .

Ansley:  “Poop in the HALL!  Poop in the HALL!”

OH, fabulous!  I ran out to the hall and what did I find?  Yep, you guessed it: a log in the hall.  The child had pooped on the hall carpet.  It wasn’t enough to pee on the bathroom floor and poop in the tub.  Oh, but no.  She had to poop in the hall too.  And here’s the best part . . . the Lab had come to investigate.

So now I’m screaming to Crowley the Lab, “Leave it!  Leave it!” while Ansley is alternating between “Poop in the hall!” and “Leave it Crowley!”  Daryl, by the way, was just laughing.

I ran back to the bathroom to get toilet paper to clean up the hall poo, hoping and praying the Lab did, in fact, “leave it.”  I got back to the hall to find the log intact.  Whew. 

Daryl captured the naked and wet Addy and thankfully put a diaper on her.  He took both Addy and Ansley downstairs so that I could bleach the tub.  Like I’ve said before, the fun never stops around here.

The best part of the night came about 20 minutes later when I left for a party at my friend Shannon’s house.  Addy was kneeling and clinging to the baby gate downstairs, head thrown back, tears streaming down her face and screaming at the top of her lungs, “Mommmmmaaaaaa!!!  Nooooooo!!!!”

I gave the big pooper a kiss on the head, ignoring the wailing and the tears, and headed out to have a BIG glass of wine at Shannon’s.  A fitting end to the day.

Llama Llama Red Pajama by Anna Dewdney is an absolute RIOT.  The first time I read this book I busted out laughing because it is so spot on.  The writer must have come to my house before taking on this project.  It’s like she was a fly on the wall to our nightly bedtime ritual:  DRAMA!

“Llama llama red pajama weeping, wailing for his mama.  Will his mama ever come?  Mama Llama, run, run, RUN!”

“Baby Llama, what a tizzy!  Sometimes Mama’s very busy.  Please stop all this llama drama and be patient for your mama.”

That’s my house in a nutshell at bedtime: llama drama!  Well, that’s our morning routine too, but that’s a different story.

Weeping, wailing, stomping, shouting, moaning, groaning and boo-hooing.  Yep, this book has got it all . . . and so does my household!  So now, dear readers, when you see me refer to “llama drama,” you know what I’m talking about.

This book made me feel a little better about my kids. Because frankly, if this book is so right on, I can’t be the only one with llama drama. 

There is one thing about this book though that loses a bit of credibility with me.  At the end, Mama Llama kisses baby’s hair and then he goes to sleep.  Riiiiiiight.  That never works in my house.  It should end something like this:

“Mama tucks her baby in, knowing that she cannot win.  Mama closes baby’s door.  Baby shrieks and pounds the floor.  Mama goes to lay in bed, pulls a pillow over head.” 

Yeah, that makes more sense.

Ever since I discovered the bargains that can be found at kids’ consignment sales, I’ve been addicted.  I’ve hit two this year already and have two more on the docket.  What could be better than pajamas for $.50 or an entire outfit for $1.50?  Of course, you have to sort through a bunch of stuff to find the true gems, but hey, it’s worth it.

And speaking of gems, I’ve come across a couple other sites I thought I’d share with my readers, er, Mom and Dad.

Slick Deals — http://slickdeals.net/

I love this site (and it’s not just for kids’ bargains).  This is where I found a posting that gave me an additional 15% off the already great prices at The Children’s Place’s Monster Sale.  I ended up buying 21 items for $82 and that included the $5.00 shipping charge.  Gotta love it.

ebates — http://www.ebates.com/

Sign into ebates.com before you do your online shopping.  They have hundreds, if not thousands, of stores listed including most of the biggies like Target, eBay, drugstore.com, etc. 

If you shop the sites you normally would, but log on to ebates first, you get cash back –you get $5.00 for just signing up!  And, ebates has a ton of coupon codes and other discounts like free shipping.  Oh, and since I gave you the tip, you can put my email address in as your referrer so I can get $5.00.  LOL.  Umm, but you really could: brandieb13@yahoo.com.

1 Sale a Day — http://www.1saleaday.com/

My roomie at work, Ed, turned me onto this site.  I’ve already gotten a Wii Sports package for FREE (normally $69.99); I just paid shipping.  The site is exactly what it says, one sale a day.  They have one watch, one wireless item and one other thing for sale.  And when they sell out, they sell out.  But oh, the deals you can find!

tjoos — http://www.tjoos.com/

tjoos has coupon codes for some pretty obscure places.  If you’re shopping online and think the store you’re buying from doesn’t have any coupons, check here just in case.  You might be surprised.

Have any great bargain websites to share?  I’d love to hear about them!

In preparation for this new class, I had to fill out an “All about me” sheet for Ansley.   I had Ansley answer questions about her family, friends, favorite foods, pets, etc.  My favorite question was, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Mommy:  “Ansley, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Ansley: (very thoughtfully considering the question):  “A chicken.”

Mommy:  “A very noble profession, Ansley.  I’ll write that down.  (pause)  Is there something else you’d like to be when you grow up besides a chicken?”

Ansley:  (another thoughtful consideration)  “Maybe a doctor.”

Mommy:  “An excellent second choice.  Good for you.”

See how much fun three-year-olds are?

I’m sure you’re wondering about the catalyst that finally sent her into potty land.  Well, frankly, I am too.  I doubt it was the stern talking to the night before about how she was too big to be wearing Pull Ups and how mommy was sick and tired of changing poopy toddler diapers.  I also doubt it was the list of bribes that grew bigger by the day.  And it definitey wasn’t the fact that her 13 month old baby sister pooped in the potty TWICE before she ever did.

Knowing Ansley, she probably just decided that she was ready.  Because heaven forbid, no bribery, begging or pleading worked.  Although when she did finally go, at 8:00 p.m. last Wednesday night, that set into motion a chain of events a mile long.  We had promised that child so many things that it took a week to make them all happen.

Despite the fact that it was 8:00 at night, I put Ansley’s clothes on and sent her out with Daryl.  She kept up her end of the bargin, so we felt it was only fair to keep ours too.  So Daryl took her to get ice cream (promise #1).   Then they got a balloon (promise #2).  Of course the child picked out the biggest balloon I’ve ever seen — Sponge Bob has got to be over three feet tall.  

Next on the list was a cookie from Publix (promise #3).  She then came home and got to open the special toy she had picked out that was just waiting for her to go potty (promise #4) along with two things out of the surprise bag (promise #5) and the dollar bill that had been taped to the bathroom mirror (promise #6).  Daryl took her to Monkey Joe’s this weekend to round out promise #7.

Ansley’s teacher had also promised she would buy cupcakes for her entire class and get Ansley a surprise if she went on the potty so of course, now she goes at school every day.  That child will do just about anything for a cupcake.  Hmmm, I wonder where she gets that?

For those moms and dads out there who are still changing toddler diapers, I hope this gives you hope.  Because I promise, your child cannot be any more stubborn than mine.  It will come in time.  And as our pediatrician told us, she’s met very few high school kids who aren’t potty trained.